FeedbackDo you like my Web site? Click and type in a question or comment November 12, 2008 Okay, big mouth: Your side won this time, but watch for me in 2012. Your ass will be in a sling. You-Know-Who-In-Wasilla ********************************************* September 25, 2008 (Only 40 days until my predictable triumph: Hey, Moronic Eisenberg: Your "Grapevine" would be a lot more accurate if you bothered to tell the truth about me. I can see the whole universe from my window, but all you can probably see is your own ghastly reflection in a lot of dirt. Check out the facts: In only a (minimal) amount of time I'll be in the Oval Office and I'm going to save the U.S. and, eventually the world. So stop satirizing me, shitbrain--or else I'll use my unlimited powers to dump you in the garbage, where you belong. I'm more sincere than anybody you've ever met in your pitiful life, you pretentious asshole. Sarah P. (aka Soccer Mom With Balls) ****************************************************** Someone sent the link to me and I looove it! RESPONSE FROM L.E.: WHO ARE YOU? *************************************************** APRIL 5, 2008 I stumbled across " How to Be a TV Anchorman in Three Days". If only you had written this ferkokter piece in the 60's I would not have wasted 50- years faking the weather.I coulda been a contender. frank field ***************************************************** What an awesome bio. Now I know where I get the gift from when I choose to exercise it. (Bad grammar I know). Now my big question is it all true? Since you've made up so many things...whether it is or not I have a book called When I was Your Age and a lot of the great writers were discovered late in life. (Late for me -- early for you.) AA Milne wrote Winnie the Pooh at 44, Nathaniel Hawthorne published the Scarlett letter and JRR Tolkien the Hobbit. Let's see at age 46 Toni Morrison published her first book and Cher at age 46 recorded I Got You Babe. The book goes up to age 99 if you're interested. xxoo Your daughter. ************************************************** Lorenzo! "The Florentine Connection" is a 24-carat gem. Maureen and I loved it. --Harry Baron *************************************************** Transfat Airlines reminds me... I can't believe that I still remember 35 years ago: you telling me about a large woman at a wedding, dressed in a pink dress who looked like a pink bungalow. Recall? teddy.zeitlin@ipsos-na.com ************************************************** Larry, Larry -- And how is Mary Tyler Moore connected to Vanguard? Reasonably closely. Her husband, Robert Levine, is the son of Irving Levine and Marion Steier Levine. Marion is Herb Steier's sister, Herb being an old Vanguardite. (My role in that mix is a clouded one, of course.) All best--Jack Leavitt ************************************************ 9/9/02-Looked at and read everything. All good, except don't lump Sean Connery with those two other no-talents.ROBERT K. SMITH **************************************************** 9/9/02-Verrrry nice. I'm impressed...loved the Anna Nichole reference..at first I thought she was a hoot...now i think she's just a ho. Forwarded it to Sherri. Congrats. Connie (ALDERMAN) ******************************************************* 9/9/02-Larry, Congrads. Good to hear you're still active in show biz scene. It's been a long time and we are well on this end. En route today to Orlando,Florida for Marine Corps Conference. From there to New York and back first week of October. Stay in touch.Eddie Kafafian ********************************************* 9/9/02-Larry, Congratulations! I enjoyed your web site. Keep up the good work. It's exciting to receive e-mail with a justifiable sense of humor. Betty (BABETCH) *******************************************************9/10/02-Hi Larry,-Re your webpage...You are now famous in parts of the world you wouldn't visit even if Geiger was paying. I love the site. Only had time to read the Grapevine--which gets a five acid-tongue review (the best) lick from me! I'm just back from Mirror Lake REsort & Spa. Went with my sister who just lost her dog of 12 years and was devastated. I have three articles to write and then George and I leave for Hawaii. Stay well. Love Susan (PURDY) *********************************************** 9/10/02-Dear Larry, Thanks so much for the alert to your new site. Its excellent, as I would expect. I loved the story about your going to Bklyn Tech - perfectly written! And p.s. my Dad's name is Murray! Good luck to you and thanks for thinking of us. Best, Janet K. Rodgers,V.P., Geoffrey Weill Associates. *********************************************** 9/10/02-MY FRIEND LARRY-I love the site is SCREAMS you........ You are one of the nicest people I know and I've been delighted to have traveled with you and most of all enjoyed your company. I wish you and the grand kids and Barbara the best! Keep on writing Larry -- your good at it. Cynthia Tunstall *******************************************************9/10/02-Great stuff! Congrats. – Sid (FRIGAND) ******************************************************* 9/16/02--Dear Larry, Things finally slowed down a bit here at the office and I was able to spend some time perusing your new site. I especially liked the Italy story, which gave me a good giggle. Congratulations -- will check it from time to time for some more good reading! Diana Moody Senior Vice President, Accounts Sheila Donnelly & Associates / SDA International ******************************************************* 9/17/02-Dear Larry, I love it! Literate and funny and we agree on all of your Grapevine opinions. What is Liza Minella all about anyway except a sad commentary. Oh well, let's keep listening to Britney and Enrique! Thanks for sharing. Helene (BLUE) ******************************************************* 9/18/02-Larry: Your website is on my Favorites list so you can presume (presume away) that I enjoyed it. Some of it brought back fond memories of days yore when we were both flacking and, in retrospect, had fun and a lot of perks doing it. I well remember when you told me you and Lee Marvin had bumped into Paul Newman on the streets of New York, when you had your new couch delivered, and when I drove down to Tucson to pick you up at Lee's house. I never really developed the same type of relationships with clients that you did because, as you said, there was always that fine line between client and friend, and I always was on my guard to remember it was a business relationship that was friendly, not the other way around. Even with Newman, whom I considered a friend because I did a lot of personal favors for him and he never bitched to Warren about me. The magazine articles you "reprinted" I had, of course, read before (you sent them all to me) and they are all good. It all brings back some fun memories, like the time Johnny Friedkin and I drove to Connecticut where we had arranged for Hugh Downs (another client) to fly us with Newman to a Grand Prix race on Long Island, when Paul was just getting into racing. Flying across the LI Sound we hit an air pocket and that light plane twisted like a top and as we were holding on for dear life I said, "I can see the headlines tomorrow; John Friedkin and Paul Alderman die in plane crash with actor and TV host." It broke the tension, I guess another client whom I considered a friend was Bobby Darin, who was a real human being. I think the first time we worked together was on The Bells of St. Mary's (TV version, of course) with Claudette Colbert and Bob Preston. I developed a great relationship with him because he was on stage at the time in The Music Man which Arthur Cantor handled and that made it easy for me. I remember a lunch interview at Sardi's with a guy from the Daily Mirror when the maitre'd (what was his name?) came over and told us it was just announced that the Mirror was folding...and so did the story. One memory makes me think of many more but enough is enough, it;'s getting late and I've rambled enough. Keep the website going. I really loved it....Paul (ALDERMAN) ******************************************************* 9/21/02 Dear Larry -- I did, indeed, get your note; I did, indeed, go immediately to the site; and I do, indeed, apologize for not responding sooner. Part of the problem is that Nell and I took off for Ontario-on-the-Lake for a brief vacation at the Shaw Festival; part of the problem is that I'm not crazy about reading websites; and most of the problem is that I am bone-lazy. And I really do apologize. So: first of all, it's a fine-looking production and easy to maneuver, which matters a lot. The content is vintage Eisenberg, so who's to complain? I've read the novels, of course, and some of the magazine work, and I will soon read the screenplay (Full Disclosure: I hate reading screenplays) and the travel pieces. I'm afraid I won't be a good customer for The Grapevine: I find, since leaving ABC, that when I'm not paid to care about celebrities .... I don't. A few notes, anyway: If E! gets the Biosolid Award for broadcasting, shouldn't you be entitled to a fair share for watching? I don't know how I would feel about the Travolta movies (and the others you talk about) because I haven't seen any of them. I lost the movie habit about twenty years ago. (You have to stand in line and look for a seat and everything. I'm happier on the couch with a Reginald Hill novel, or watching a tape of this week's Monk.) Re Iglesias and Spears: No, actually, I haven't heard them sing, and I can't imagine why you have. (But I did work for a few days with Justin Timberlake during my last days at ABC, so I can't claim to be totally untainted.) On the other hand, when you sneer at Verizon (and thanks for the tip; I hadn't noticed that the 50 cent pay-phones were theirs), you are sneering in my language. I do have a cell phone (Voice Stream), and I used it twice to call Canada when I was setting up the trip. It then occurred to me that the cell-phone folks would probably have some small print in the contract which allows them to rob me blind on any call outside the US. I therefore made the rest of my calls on my home (Verizon) phone. I just got the two bills. Voice Stream charged me 20 cents a minute for Canada. Verizon charged me 63 cents a minute for exactly the same calls. So much for the warm and friendly rates provided for full-service customers. And, in conclusion, your wrong-number story is magnificent. If you avoid people who've read it on the website you can dine out on that one forever. I would urge you to watch for occasions when you can also reprint old TV Guide pieces (unless they have you legally shackled on those). Mightn't the movie of The Bourne Identity call for a re-release of that location story? You were, and continue to be, the best on-location writer in the biz, and I would love to read them all again. -jim (BUTLER) **************************************************** 9/23/02-At last...finally visited the site. Used your link to sign on last week and got distracted. Still laughing at your moniker....me........a promptress! I am the world's great Internet dummy! It's a laugh riot. I expect non stop laughter from you. The Liza with a Z stuff is so deliciously wicked! It sort of approximates what her hubby said about her singing voice when he first learned that she had been signed for Michael Jackson's tv concert which boasted a lineup of top rockers, rappers, and r&b topliners. Victoria (HORSFORD)Have to return to the site to digest the Articles column. I look forward to the visit with eager anticipation......... ******************************************************* Larry - I think we met in l985- just look over the holiday photos - where did you get your clothing style from? Cut quite a dash you did! My clothing style was all at sea! Joyce i want to find information about the clothing style of the 1985 ****************************************************** 10/13/02-I have just spent an hour and a half reading your articles. You are one terrific writer. Thanks Lynn (KRUGER) ******************************************************* 10/15/02-Neat writings!!! You are a very funny guy! I enjoy your humor. Love, Jewell (GOLDEN) ******************************************************* 10/17/02-Thank you, great piece, and great site! Much love, Dee Dee (POTEETE) ******************************************************* 10/17/02-Great site, Larry. I especially enjoyed your "Celebrities Who Have Known Me" piece. Adam (BELANOFF) *******************************************************10/17/02 Hi Larry, thank you for the story, I love the way you write! I was in New York a couple of weeks ago but only for 2 days and business took the whole time, imagine no time to play! I am busy now preparing to go to the SATW convention in Hawaii. Can' t wait to see it, I have always wanted to. Take care, thank you again for the story and I guess the next time I will see you will be at the media marketplace in New York, May 5-7 in 2003. Warm regards, Valerie Valerie Kidney, Project Executive Officer / Chargée de projets-Media Relations - Tourism ******************************************************* 10/17/02 Larry -- Thanks for your note. Your column is a howl -- I sent it on to my kids. – Sid (FRIGAND) ******************************************************* 10/17/02-Thanks so much for your grapevine. It's many times better than most everything we find printed in the media today. Hope to read you regularly. Good luck. Sandy (SADOWNICK) Strom *************************************************** 10/17/02-Larry.I'll read anything you have to offer. You're still on my hit parade. Take care. Eddie Kafafian ******************************************************* 10/20/02- I loved the beginning of your autobiography, can't wait to read more.....Estelle (LAZARUS) ******************************************************* 10/21/02-Larry:Eisenberg's Grapevine is funny. Thanks. rgds, Albert (LASHER) ******************************************************* 10/25/02-Your Web is great! Even Charlotte could not do a better job. Sometimes, your grapes are full of wrath, but that's a vine thing. Edepol, fautor tuus maximus sum (You know I'm your biggest fan) so keep spinning! Love, Pearl (PANES) *******************************************************10/30/02- Hit your website and have a couple of comments. The latest stuff is really GOOD --short, funny and should be printed somewhere. (where? where?) passed the note on to friends so see if you get a flurry of hits you can send me a check.... Have you tried the NY Sun? It is such a boring paper they could use your commentary. I know the editor and would be happy to call him... When you started, bits were too long -- but I think you;ve got it now...love, g. (GLORIA LEVITAS) ******************************************************* 12/3/02--Larry--I worked with Katharine Hepburn twice, immersing myself in everything ever written about her. Your interview tops anything I found. (Including -- probably especially -- the two I wrote myself.) The story is a sheer delight, and a reminder of why you are the best. A large part of it is your (apparently) natural ease in such situations. I have seen you in action many times, and you never fail to make an interview feel like a casually professional meeting between equals. (That's an important part of it, but it sure ain't all). I think I told you my Hepburn stories; I'm not sure I ever mentioned one of the meaningful differences between you and me on the job: Hepburn had everyone on the set calling her "Kate." There was no way I could do that. On the other hand, because she didn't play it for Lady of the Manor, calling her "Miss Hepburn" would have felt obsequious and self-conscious. I solved the problem my way: I got through both pictures ("Glass Menagerie" and "Love Among the Ruins") without ever calling her anything. I'm really glad you decided to include this on the website. You got her. -jim (BUTLER) ******************************************************* 12/3/02- Larry your site is great and fun to read. I love your site! Get the word out to more people! Cindy (TUNSTALL) ***************************************************** 12/4/02-Thanks, Larry. I am part of the way through and wanted to stop and tell you how great a reading this is. Love, Jewell (GOLDEN) ******************************************************* 12/5/02-Funny stuff, Larry. One of my favorites that I find irresistible: Our offices use stacked baskets for internal mail distribution. The top stack is labeled: Outgoing Mail. I just HAVE to label the second tier :Shy Mail Bruce Good,Director of Public Relations Seabourn Cruise Line ******************************************************* 12/16/02-Dear Larry - I did get the link to your story, which I so enjoyed, and I thank you very much for sending on to me. Reading your story brought back so many great memories, especially the Pow-Wow that we were privileged to see. It is also one one my all-time favorite experiences. I actually attended the Taos Pueblo Pow-Wow in July and that too was pretty amazing! I hope you are well and that our paths may cross again. All the best, Kate-Alice Marshall Public Relations Phone: 310.457.5160 Fax: 310.457.0854 ******************************************************* Subj: Re: WEBSITE UPDATE Date: 12/28/02 1:46:35 PM Eastern Standard Time From: Ordlaw To: Lbeisenberg, 12/28/02: Dear Larry: Just coming off a 2 month absence (I didn't feel comfprtable using "hiatus") from e-mail while I chipped away at my retirement project and was happy to find myself on your Website list. I greatly enjoyed reading your reports of the last year and hope to continue receiving future issues even if I don't contribute comments with the talent and humor of writers like you and Josh.I wish you and all those on your list a Very Happy New Year. Love, Jerry (ORDOVER) ******************************************************* 1/8/03-Dear Larry,There's so much funny stuff on your site! Thanks. Enjoy it. Thanks and best, Janet Rodgers ******************************************************* Larry: I haven't enjoyed reading items and interviews this much in a long time. Were these published elsewhere before appearing on your web site? It's clear that you haven't lost that edge which distinguished your writing when working as a publicist. Thanks for including me on your distribution list. Sandy and I wish you a happy and healthy New Year. Henri Bollinger ************************************************** 1/8/03-Larry, What great stuff and funny too. You da man. Cindy (TUNSTALL) *************************************************** 1/11/03-I was really getting into Sizzle. Was it published? And, if so, how come Daniel Baldwin didn't sue you? Did his real wife die? VG Grapevine. Estelle (LAZARUS) ******************************************************* Subj: Forwarded Out Of Kindness Date: 1/16/03 9:20:42 AM Eastern Standard Time From: jnmileavitt@yahoo.com (Jack Leavitt) To: lbeisenberg@aol.com Hi, Jack : Is this fellow a friends of yours? Darn good writer! http://www.lawrenceeisenberg.com/bio.htm Have you ever read http://www.fadetoblack.com ? Cheers! Marty ************************************************* Hey, Uncle Larry,Love your web-site! Never realized how talented you were, just kidding. I finally found good reading at work in my down time. I lived your prostate horrors. Quite an ordeal for any human being to experience. Hope all is well with you all and your prostate. Hope you don't mind that I added a comment by L.H. Love, Jeff (FRIEDMAN) ******************************************************* 2/18/03-BEEN THERE, DONE THAT...GREAT JOB LARRY. CONNIE ALDERMAN ******************************************************* 2/20/03-dear larry, checked it out and enjoyed it. passed it on again to Seth Lipsky. The Sun is a disgusting rag, though.... love, g. (GLORIA LEVITAS) ******************************************************* 2/21/03-Thank you for the message. Your website is fabulous....and right on the money with every scathing word!! We are doing great...so lucky to be busy in these times. It is always a pleasure to hear from a fellow fan of the hotel. Please come back to The Pink Palace anytime and I will take you to lunch on the Polo Lounge patio. Best regards, Wendy Schnee Director of Public Relations The Beverly Hills Hotel . ***************************************************** 3/18/03-what a riot - your Oscars!! janet Rodgers ******************************************************* Subj: It's Not Biosolid Your site - that is. Very funny stuff. Adam (BELANOFF) 400 North Oakhurst Drive, Apt. 301 Beverly Hills, CA 90210 (310) 859-8188 (H) (310) 729-7343 (C) ******************************************************* 3/18/03-It's a terrific Grapevine - the Liza stuff is hysterical. You should be doing a semi-column on them for someone, for God's sake - in that one paragraph there's more than in all the other bullshit. Truth-watch, or Liar-control - the weekly dish on the Gests. EDDIE EPSTEIN ******************************************************* 3/18/03-Larry, you should be writing for The Daily Show. Your stuff's hilarious. xo iab (ILENE BERG) ******************************************************* 3/21/03-Larry -- Really good stuff. Keep 'em coming. Sid (FRIGAND) ******************************************************* 4/14/03- ps I looked at your website, and sometimes I thought I would split my gut from laughter, even though your thoughts are quite serious. You are quite talented! Sincerely Richard d. Sadowski President, ATLT ******************************************************* 4/21/03-Dear Larry: I've enjoyed Celebrities Who Have Known Me...very much. Thanks for sharing that. I hope you and your family are well. Best regards, Florence (BERNSTEIN) ******************************************************* 4/21/03-Hi, Enjoying your jokes and website updates. We were supposed to be in NY March 21-26 and again April 15-May 4 but we didn't make it, as Irv had to be hospitalized and ended up there (hospital) for a week + 3 weeks in a rehab hospital. Reason? Various. Mostly complications of Parkinsons. Things have not been much fun. Hopefully we'll make it soon. Hope you're both well. xoxo Geri (STEVENS) *******************************************************4/21/03-Larry--What can I say? I became so engrossed by your writing that I've delayed preparing my dinner for nearly an hour. Next time, please write shorter -- or earlier. Jack (LEAVITT) ************************************************** 4/23/03--Larry: This was the first time I read chunks of your web site. Great stuff. No, I hadn't forgotten how funny you are.Just can't bear the comparison.For your laughing pleasure, check out anything peformed by Eddie Izzard. He's incredible. Hated "David Gale".Herb D. (DORFMAN) ****************************************************** 5/26/03 Larry -- Great stuff. I agree that Sue Simmons must be the dumbest dame among some very dim bulbs on TV news. Here's her bio, but her academic credentials are missing. I suspect that she's a dropout from Eugenio María de Hostos Community College. SID (FRIGAND). Anchor Sue Simmons is seen weekdays on WNBC as co-anchor of "News Channel 4/Live At Five," and "News Channel 4 at 11 p.m.," New York's No. 1 rated late newscast. A veteran of more than 25 years in television journalism, Simmons will celebrate her 20th anniversary as a member of the WNBC anchor team in January 2000. Shortly after her arrival at WNBC, Simmons became co-anchor of the original "Live At Five" newscast. In addition, for the past two years, Simmons has served as host of the nationally-syndicated program "Images: A Year in Review." She has also co-anchored the station's live coverage of the National Puerto Rican Day parade for the past three years in a row. Simmons joined WNBC from WRC-TV, the NBC-owned station in Washington, D.C. where she had been a correspondent/anchor since 1976. Highlights of her reportage there include her coverage of the aftermath of the assassination of Chilean statesman Orlando Letelier and a series of stories on the status of special education in the public school system. She was the first correspondent to interview the Hanafi Muslims who seized several Washington buildings shortly after the 1979 takeover of the U.S. embassy in Teheran. While at WRC-TV, Simmons was one of the few reporters to interview Mrs. Walter Mondale while her husband was Vice-President. She also hosted two public affairs series, one of which was devoted to women's issues. Simmons began her broadcasting career in 1973, as a correspondent for WTNH-TV in New Haven, Connecticut. While there, she hosted a community affairs series and served as the station's action reporter, handling a variety of consumer complaints on the air to provide assistance. In 1974, Simmons joined WBAL-TV in Baltimore, Maryland. Beginning as a correspondent, Simmons later became the station's primary anchor and host of its acclaimed news magazine program, "Baltimore At One." Honored several times for outstanding journalism, Simmons is the recipient of four Emmy awards. In 1981, she was presented with an award for "Outstanding Performance By A News Commentator" by Barnabus McHenry, Vice-Chairman of The President's Task Force on the Arts and Humanities. A native New Yorker, Simmons is the daughter of the late John Simmons, a renowned jazz bassist whose collaborators included Louis Armstrong, Art Tatum, John Coltrane, Billie Holliday, Benny Goodman and Nat King Cole. Simmons lives in New York. ******************************************************* 5/29/03-Larry--The "Voices of the Heart" story is another welcome reminder of why you were the best there ever was at this. I miss being there to give you wake-up calls. -jim (BUTLER) ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 10 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 7/28/03 10:03:06 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Ardyess To: Lbeisenberg dear Larry-As usual, your keen sense of humour caused me to laugh too much at issue 10 of your web-letter commentary. Keep up the good work.Richard D. Sadowski President, ATLT ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 10 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 7/30/03 6:05:04 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: funnydame@cox.net (Connie Alderman) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com-Hello my darling...you are so goddamned funny. So what's the deal with Liza and David? Was one of them seeing another man? ******************************************************* Subj: RE: Grapevine Date: 8/9/03 1:49:55 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: panesp@ncc.edu (Pearl S. Panes) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com (Larry E.)Dear Larry, Your VINES still have tender GRAPES....and I so love devouring them. I particularly enjoyed your interview with Kate Hepburn. Wish I could have been there. I don't know how we can get W. to stop pronouncing the word "nucular" instead of nuclear, but that's the least of our worries. Wait till he finds out what it means! On a personal note: Let's supplement the cyber talk with a dinner date with you and Barbara. Maybe Ev and Sid, or others, will join us. Would love to see you both. Best, Pearl *******************************************************Date: 8/29/03 3:26:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net (Jewell Elizabeth) Reply-to: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com I could get to your site and enjoyed your stuff like Marshall Field.Welcome back from your vacation.Jewell ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 11 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 9/2/03 5:44:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: CTUNSTALL To: Lbeisenberg Larry, I knew you were good but Wow Michael Caine and Bob Hope. You've earned all you got Larry and I'm proud to know you and call you my friend. Cindy Cynthia Tunstall **************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 11 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 9/2/03 11:49:10 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry -- First rate commentaries. Did I ever tell you that my nephew lives in Grapevine,Texas? Best, Sid **************************************************** September 3, 2003-Hopefully you'll receive this comment. I loved the story about buying the apartment. I've told several people stories about that (before reading this) xxoo Mindy Rice ***************************************************** Yes. You are now bookmarked in my list of favorites. **************************************************** September 5, 2003 Re: the 10 items you listed in your 9/2/03 Grapevine.... Petrouchka wants to share her reaction to a few of them.... 2. When told there was a blackout, Bush did indeed say,This is serious." Rumor has it, though, he then grabbed Rove by the collar and asked, "Who fainted?" 5. Kabbalah water? Is it used in Mikvas? What effect does THAT have? 7. Do they have jokes in Canada? 10. Great idea to write a book that you’re sure to be sued for! I’ve already started working on mine and hope it becomes a best seller on Amazon. My title is: HOW TO WRITE A BOOK THAT YOU’RE SURE TO BE SUED FOR. (Thanks for the tip, Larry.) Love, Pearl (PANES) ******************************************************* Date: 9/11/03 10:00:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: jbutler4@nyc.rr.com (Jim Butler) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com-Let me...take this opportunity to send my overdue wild applause for describing poi as "vinegar jello" "In Tahiti With Bob Hope").That's the kind of thing that makes you Larry Eisenberg! (The whole piece, as usual--then and now -- is quite wonderful. I'm assuming you restored parts cut for length by Newsday; I can't imagine even Tony Gentile giving you that much space. But it deserved it.)-jim ******************************************************* Date: 9/12/03 10:15:18 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: carol_garrett_@hotmail.com (Carol Whelan-Garrett) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Larry--Larry--- Larry---What a riot you are! Love and hugs p.s.I loved your web site! Carol ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 12 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 10/5/03 4:56:32 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry -- The grapevine is super as usual! Can't we get Sue Simmons on Rush Limbaugh's shit list? They so deserve each other. Sid **************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 12 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 10/7/03 2:04:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: gail@makingbreadmagazine.com (Gail Harlow) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com (Larry Eisenberg) Hi Larry, I see you haven’t lost your wit. I hadn’t realized you posted fresh “Grapevine” items on your site. Enjoyed them! Hope you’re well. You know Dave lives in the Bronx now? All best, Gail Harlow ***************************************** Subj: RE: ISSUE 12 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 10/8/03 10:19:19 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: Glevity@cs.com To: Lbeisenberg-I LIKE YOUR WEBSITE...COGENT AND FUNNY.... NOW IF ONLY YOU COULD TURN IT INTO CASH....MAYBE YOU SHOULD RUN FOR GOVERNOR OF SOMETHING LOVE G. ***************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 12 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 10/9/03 7:31:33 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: ACLASHER To: Lbeisenberg--Larry: I just spent a half hour surfing your stuff. You're such a pro! It was a pleasure. The anecdotal stuff in Modern Maturity et al makes Leonard Lyons look like a pygmy. Your current humor columns, seems to me, can be syndicated. I've lost track of the syndicates, but one of my graduate school classmates and roommate, Ward (Edward) Cannel, wrote funny stuff for NEA for years. So did Jimmy Breslin. rgds, Alyosha ***************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 13 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 10/31/03 1:16:36 PM Eastern Standard Time From: john@reinerlaw.net (John Reiner) Reply-to: jreiner@reinerlaw.com To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com: Please keep them coming! Your keen observations contributed to brightening this already-bright day. John (John P. Reiner) Reiner, Reiner & Reiner LLPAttorneys at Law 80 Wall Street Suite 1018 New York, NY 10005 Telephone (212) 269-2466Facsimile (212) 269-2467 ***************************************** Subj: JLMSL MALLORCA Date: 11/1/03 1:03:00 PM Eastern Standard Time From: mrjay@mallorcanet.com (JAY LENARD) Reply-to: lenard2@pacbell.net (JAY LENARD) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com (Larry B. Eisenberg) JAY LENARD MARCIA SOLLEK LENARD, M.D. Hi, Larry: Things get very quiet after October 31st here in Mallorca. So I thought that instead of using the time productively (learning Spanish might be a good idea) I’d play catch-up with The Gripevine. ( Hey, you don’t have a copyright on this stuff) I never realized how many people piss you off! Makes me feel great. Speaking of the Donald; You must have heard about his encounter with a beautiful woman , in an elevator of all places, who begged to give him a quick blow job? "OK," replied our hero, "but what’s in it for me?" But poor Liza let her be! . she’s had enough tsuris. The item about her mothers rejoinder to Princess Margaret was a wonderful confirmation of what I’d always heard about her: that she was a very funny lady and definitely quick on the riposte. Add to your ‘expressions to retire’: I could care less. This one really drives me bonkers since it says the exact opposite of what they mean…and how do you feel about the letter ‘a’( being pronounced like a letter but used as a pronoun.). It’s like nails on a blackboard to me but I do realize that it may just be me.I couldn’t agree more about award shows but I’d go further then you by banning them all outright. Boring. Boring. Boring. The only award show I will ever watch would be one that would have pre-empted Al Franken. And here I thought that I was the only one who couldn’t take him. And…Another thing that gets me too are those drops at the end of sentences. Until I read you I thought I was going deaf! And..I thought you’d like to know that there’s no CREST of any stripe to be found in Mallorca.And …I also thought you’d like to know that I did not vote for Arnold. I wouldn’t want to be dropprd from your email list.Love to Barbara. Hope to see you over the T-day (do you hate that one also) holidays. Jay Lenard ***************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 13 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 11/2/03 5:44:45 PM Eastern Standard Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry -- The latest Grapevine is a howl. Your idea about a TV up-close interviews with the 12,000 Californians who voted for Gary Coleman is a pisser. Unfortunately, God has already destroyed all of their homes by fire and is planning other biblical weapons of mass destruction (plagues, locusts and shit like that) to visit the rest of the state just in case the fires go out too soon. He wants to remind the residents of the Golden State that they can only worship one terminator, or else! --Best, Sid ***************************************************** Subj: RE: ISSUE 13 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 11/4/03 12:57:28 AM Eastern Standard Time From: Glevity@cs.com To: Lbeisenberg Lbeisenberg@aol.com wrote: I particularly liked saddam and gommoron.... lots of good stuff. don't like the turd jokes and sometimes you go over the top, but generally a good and funny read.... love g. **************************************************** Subj: Lawrence Eisenberg - Grapevine Date: 1/10/04 8:09:00 PM Eastern Standard Time From: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net (Jewell Elizabeth) Reply-to: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com (Lbeisenberg@aol.com) YOU ARE ONE FUNNY WRITER! THANK YOU! Love, Jewell *************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 15 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 1/10/04 6:58:24 PM Eastern Standard Time From: WhichExit To: Lbeisenberg Happy New Year, boychick...Gotta try some of that He'Brew beer...Dick F. ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 15 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 1/11/04 11:35:41 AM Eastern Standard Time From: Stelonu To: Lbeisenberg 2-TO THE BRAINS WHO INVENTED SWIPING MACHINES FOR CREDIT CARDS: Forward? Backwards? Left? Right? Upside Down? Rightside Up? Would it kill you to produce one that’s consistent? It was only yesterday at the West 71st corner Korean market where I had trouble with their ATM machine....I tried swiping the card several different ways as their illustration is incorrect...I asked several people (including the people working there - who completely ignored me) who also ignored me, until one young "yuppy" gentleman helped out. Happy New Year... **************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 12 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 1/27/04 5:57:49 PM Eastern Standard Time From: philrosler@lycos.com (phil rosler) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com You are so prolific. How are you otherwise? My compliments and best wishes. What's new now? ***************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 16 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 1/29/04 4:50:04 PM Eastern Standard Time From: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net (Jewell Elizabeth) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Hi, I think I read some of these. Larry, you are very funny. Do you eat cornbread too? Love, Jewell ***************************************************** Dear Larry: The Sobibor story was new to me, and I'm delighted to say that you -- and David Zurawick of the Baltimore Sun -- are the only writers I know who have managed to get Alan to open up comfortably (or what appears to be comfortably). He and I became friends, but I can't say that either of my formal interviews were anywhere near the quality of yours. (And you can maybe guess how that confession hurts.) The Rome piece reads as though everyone in town got together ahead of time and said "Okay; Eisenberg is coming and he'll never be able to sell another piece about how wonderful we are. What can we do to give the poor bastard something to write about?" I love it when an entire city conspires to make good copy. -jim ****************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 17 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 3/23/04 12:37:59 PM Eastern Standard Time From: jbutler4@nyc.rr.com (Jim Butler) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Larry --I'm a little late in noting that I loved the Julie&Carol piece and the Van Dyke. (Even you can't really interest me in Mother Theresa and Deborah Raffin.) Yrs for truth and integrity, -jim ***************************************************** Larry, Where can I get a Mel Gibson crucifix nail necklace? I need a gift for someone. I have another product idea: stigmata gloves and socks....with real blood, maybe. Love, Pearl (3/27/04) ******************************************************* Subj: FUNNY Date: 4/1/04 12:34:22 PM Eastern Standard Time From: funnydame@cox.net (Connie Alderman) To: LBeisenberg@aol.com-Hello my darling. I haven't read it all, but loved "The Fashion Of The Christ". You are too clever!! Love ya, Connie ****************************************************** Subj: Issue 18 Date: 4/14/04 3:43:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: jbutler4@nyc.rr.com (Jim Butler) Larry--That's a nice approach to the Walters interview ... it's a pity the glitches in those last two paragraphs showed up in the same issue as the Consumer Reports item. (Or maybe it's God's warning to you about trusting anything electronic.) I was fascinated by the Pavarotti piece because it's actually a model of fairness: You obviously detested the man, but the first half of the piece is devoted to a straight explanation of the event and its importance, leaving no publicist -- except maybe someone representing him personally -- any room for complaint. Not, of course, that this ever stops anybody. Did you get any static about it? -jim ***************************************************** Subj: RE: ISSUE 19 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 4/20/04 4:05:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: henri@bollingerpr.com (Henri Bollinger) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Larry: You keep me amused and interested. Are you planning a tell-all book? Henri Henri Bollinger Associates 818-784-0534 ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 20 OF MY WEBSITE--I MEAN IT THIS TIME Date: 6/18/04 9:56:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: jbutler4@nyc.rr.com (Jim Butler) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Bill Gates lost a great trouble-shooter when you decided to become a writer. -jb ****************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 20 OF MY WEBSITE--I MEAN IT THIS TIME Date: 6/19/04 12:41:49 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: CTUNSTALL To: Lbeisenberg Larry, I got the 20 issue a couple of days ago. I love your work. Cindy ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 20 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 6/22/04 1:49:42 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: J2rodgers To: Lbeisenberg Dear Larry, Thanks for your latest - love it. Loved the "her art belongs to Daddy" article. Thanks too for tracking me down. Best, Janet **************************************************** Subj: Re: FROM A FRIEND IN PHILADELPHIA Date: 10/21/04 5:54:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: gail@makingbreadmagazine.com (GAIL HARLOW) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com LOL...I just visited your web site again, Larry. It always gives me a chuckle when I need it. Gail ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 24 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 10/23/04 3:40:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry -- You're such a funny guy. Physically, also. Love your stuff. -- Sid ****************************************************** Subj: Re: NOVEMBER 17 COLONY EVENT Date: 11/2/04 8:24:57 AM Eastern Standard Time From: J2rodgers To: Lbeisenberg Dear Larry, Thanks!! You are so funny. Love your website. All best, Janet Janet K. Rodgers 212-288-0884 NYC ******************************************************* Re:Transylvania Film Festival-Glad you told me about it because I have some titles to submit be- fore the deadline. Never been to Cluj Napoca, but I've been to Cuzco in Peru, so it must be similar. My film titles include: "Getting It In the Neck," "Bram Stoker's Stake in Dracula,""Garlic Night at Club Nosferatu," and "Dr. Van Helsing's Secret Blood Bank." Each of these films is a biting satire of the Dracula legend. Profpanes@aol.com (Pearl) ****************************************************** Subj: Lawrence Eisenberg - Grapevine Date: 12/20/04 12:53:31 PM Eastern Standard Time From: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net (Jewell Elizabeth) Reply-to: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com (Lbeisenberg@aol.com) You are one very, very, funny and intelligent writer. I enjoy your comments. Though funny, they are very insightful. I laugh lots. Sometimes I could cry but then I realize I am too old for that. Be well. I look forward to your email jokes. Regards to your better half. Love and peace, Jewell ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 28 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 2/20/05 11:01:22 AM Eastern Standard Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry -- er,er, Clark Kent --Loved your rapevine -- er,er Grapevine. -- Sid ******************************************************* Subj: Re: ISSUE 28 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 2/20/05 3:04:02 PM Eastern Standard Time From: funnydame@openaccess.org (Connie Alderman) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Thanks for a smile at breakfast...love the Liza line...saw an interview with David the other day....which one is the bigger yutz? Connie ***************************************************** Subj: UNSUBSCRIBE Date: 2/22/05 8:10:08 AM Eastern Standard Time From: gary@msilver-pr.com (Gary Gerbino) To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com Please remove me from your mailing list. I find item #2 below to be offensive. 2-ELTON JOHN IS REALLY PUSHING THE ENVELOPE: On the January 15 "Tsunami Aid: A Concert of Hope" telethon, he sang "Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me." Why should the sun be an exception? Gary J. Gerbino, Vice President M. Silver Associates, Inc. - FLORIDA ****************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 29 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 3/27/05 11:06:34 PM Eastern Standard Time From: Stelonu To: Lbeisenberg Great Issue....!!! ******************************************************* ANONYMOUS(WITH ANY LUCK, WILL REMAIN SO)-RECEIVED MARCH 29, 2005: This might be a good site if you knew what you were talking about. All of this is easy to say when you only have a tiny portion of the fact if any at all, and it is obvious YOU DON'T, and don't bother to do research!!!!! ***************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 30 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 4/13/05 11:23:54 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: Stelonu To: Lbeisenberg In a message dated 04/12/2005 8:39:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Lbeisenberg writes: Issue 30 is here. Besides "Eisenberg's Grapevine": Early in their careers (and mine), I interviewed Jessica Lange (1981) and Kathleen Turner (1984) for Cosmopolitan. Currently they're big on Broadway --Lange in "The Glass Menagerie" and Turner in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" They were both so opinionated back then that I suspect they haven't changed much. Neither have I, but they're making the big bucks and I.....oh, shut up. I had a good laugh at your last two sentences... My three laughs of the day, include the following, the first was in the previous e-mail.. 6-WHOEVER WROTE THIS HAS A FUTURE AS PRESIDENTIAL PRESS SECRETARY: Tiny sign over multiple olive bins at Fairway (Broadway & 74th Street): "Olives Advertised As Pitted May Contain Pits." Chuckle, chuckle, ho! ho!: Is the sign really there? I haven't seen it...I guess I don't read their signs..although I haven't been there in a few weeks... 10-HISTORICALLY, RELIGIOUS JEWS--WHO ARE NOT PERMITTED TO SWITCH ELECTRICITY OR GAS ON OR OFF DURING THE SABBATH--HAVE PAID SMALL FEES TO GENTILE KIDS, NICKNAMED "SHABBAS GOYS," TO DO IT FOR THEM. The following is verifiable and I don't know how the tabloids missed it: When he was growing up in Tupelo, Tennessee, Elvis Presley and his parents shared a small house with a Jewish family and he was their Shabbas Goy. Viva Las Shaygitz. More Laughs and Chuckles: Believe it or not I think I heard this story (not about the sharing of the house) but I love your punch line. ***************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 30 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 4/13/05 12:44:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry: Very funny stuff. You have promise. Ever been published? -- Sid ****************************************************** Subj: Re: ISSUE 31 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 5/18/05 12:32:54 PM Eastern Daylight Time From: Sidspeak To: Lbeisenberg Larry -- Just Great!!! Best ever -- Sid ******************************************************* RECEIVED JULY 16, 2005 Please contact me............ muf709 Please contact me............ muf709 Hi Lawerence,,, Im am me and what is is,, yes as all tell me what is is !!!!!!!!! Gee makes me fell good. What can I say this a add on yes add your comments. He He Im a so called writer and interested in your imput. Can be on the next flight. Muf709 ....................................................... Subject: RE: ISSUE 32 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 6/6/05 6:44:41 PM GMT Daylight Time From: Teddy.Zeitlin@Ipsos-NA.com To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com 8-THANKS FOR THE WARNING: Every time somebody trips and falls in public, often breaking bones, a nearby person will say, "Be careful!" Ain't that the truth. Last summer I fell off a ladder and broke my leg. After that, all I heard was, "You should have been more careful." As if that wasn't the first thing to come to my mind after I stopped screaming. If these people are so smart, why didn't they tell me that while I was on my way up the ladder? Teddy Zeitlin ******************************************************* Date: 8/6/05 7:16:32 PM GMT Daylight Time From: funnydame@openaccess.org Reply To: To: LBeisenberg@aol.com Loved the new Grapevine...you have a new fan....Jeff thinks you are hilarious. Love , Connie ******************************************************* Are you related to al franken or mike moore? Is george soros funding this web site? You and kerry should be on the 2008 presidential ballot. Rich Renard 12/05 ****************************************************** ****************************************************** I was in the Plot Against the Chase Manhattan Bank at theatre East. Frank Speiring worte the lyrics and Dick Wolf the Music. The Original Title Was, The Plot To Assasinate the Chase Manhattan Bank. Kennedy was assasinted during previews and that changed everything...like the title. Refresh my memory. What skits did you wirte? And thanks, Fred Jackson. TO FRED JACKSON: SEND ME YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS & I'LL RESPOND. L.E. 11/05 **************************************************** Hi, I'm trying to keep all of us Technites in touch! Please join TechniteDirectory.com **************************************************** Hello Larry: Against my better judgement, I decided that it's time to say hello. It's nice to see that the family is doing well and please give Paul my best on becoming a father. I also have become a father with three girls, Nadia, Katherine and Natalie. The oldest is seven. Life has very good to me by blessing me with a loving wife and family. Take care and give my best to everybody. Steve Auerbach Steven.L.auerbach@bankofamerica.com RECEIVED 9/27/06 ******************************************************* REMEMBER 1949-50 BROOKLYN COLLEGE BOOKSTORE ANATOLE (TOLEY) KARMEN (RECEOVED 10/7/06) **************************************************** Subject: Re: ISSUE 51 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 12/18/06 5:39:06 PM GMT Standard Time From: Sidspeak Reply To: To: Lbeisenberg One of your best m'boy -- Sid ***************************************************** Subject: Lawrence Eisenberg - Grapevine Date: 3/3/07 From: jewelleg@bellatlantic.net Subject: Lawrence Eisenberg - Grapevine You are one funny guy!!!!! ****************************************************** 4/07 Are you the Larry Eisenburg that is quoted as saying, "For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe." I am including this quote in a book. I have listed author information for all other quotes - such as - Monte Crane, Writer and Editor (1911 - ). I would list you as Author but I don't have a birth year. Would you provide yours? Thanks Karen Gedig Burnett kgb@GrandmaRose.com Are all these comments for real? If so, then Great!! *************************************************** May 1, 2007 Larry, Funny, My forst cat was named Murray. The current two are Simon & Garfunkel. You came up in a search I was doing, how nice to read about ypu. Best, Stu Ginsburg ************************************************* Hi Lawrence- I just found your site and found a clipping on my new line which I am about to launch. I am Lauren Mandel and under the issue 49- octobe 28th #4 you mention my line of panties named after the NYC neighborhoods. Well I love your suggestions and maybe I will work on some of them for the next batch but would love to discuss the neighborhoods that we have just finished and are about to launch! You can reach me at: Laurenb007@aol.com or Lauren@littlemissinc.com thanks again- by the way- Are you a fellow upper west sider? All your comments are on columbus or amsterdam in the 60's or 70's? Talk soon, Lauren B. Mandel ********************************************** Subject: RE: ISSUE 56 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 7/24/2007 12:56:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time From: harriet@lesser.org Subject: RE: ISSUE 56 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 7/24/2007 12:56:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time From: harriet@lesser.org Reply To: To: Lbeisenberg@aol.com VERY FUNNY! You made me laugh out loud. Not an easy thing to do. Best. Harriet **************************************************** Subject: Re: ISSUE 57 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 8/27/2007 12:50:01 P.M. Eastern Standard Time From: Sidspeak Subject: Re: ISSUE 57 OF MY WEBSITE Date: 8/27/2007 12:50:01 P.M. Eastern Standard Time From: Sidspeak Reply To: To: Lbeisenberg Good Stuff Lawrence!!! ******************************************************* ISSUE 57: What a great line---"Douchebaguettes!!" So "fitting"! ************************************************************************************************************** Larry, I love the wit...I do believe you should be up there with Steven Colbert, running for President!!! LOL Anyhow, just a visual artist finding your sense of humor delightful. Keep it up. We need more people like you around. I will be looking for your books. Koreen from the north. ***************************************************** JANUARY 2008 Hi Lawrence, Your cousin "Irwin Gross" tells me that you don't remember me from the BC Bookstore. How come I remember you? Of course it was 56 years ago and our brains are close to 80 years old. I hope you are well and enjoying the "Golden Years" . Sincerely, Anatole (Toley) Karmen ****************************************************** MARCH 2008 Hi Larry, This is a voice from the past---Gail Buchanan. I worked for you briefly in the late 70s and enjoyed every moment. I especially enjoyed the luncheon the day you and I got sacked!!! You are still as witty as ever. GB (Gail) Buchanan |
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